Dammit! I had been expecting the call all day, but now, there was my $167 cell phone ringing in a pile of what had to have been at least three day's worth of excrement, who-knows what else (as if the excrement weren't bad enough) and way the hell too much toilet paper. Didnt they have janitors or something at gas stations? have they never heard of a plunger? I just couldnt figure out how they could just let it pile up like this and do nothing about it. Though I can most certainly understand their reluctance. The smell was so putrific it bordered on excruciating. In fact, it was so bad, I dont think they've invented an adjective powerful enough to begin to describe it. I nearly vomited but fought to control it as I didnt want to just vomit on the floor, but I wasnt' going to vomit on my phone either. I could see the number on the display. It was the call I'd been praying for for months! Thinking quickly, I recalled the bare shrub just outside the restroom door. I ran out and snapped a long stick from it, ran back in and used it to open the phone. 'Hello?' I exerted great effort in sounding calm and not as though I were about to projectile vomit everything I'd ever eaten, as I held my face horrifyingly close to the mountain of loathsome, repugnant and putrific filth. Unless you've ever lived at the bottom of an outhouse, you just can't imagine the superlative revulsion I experienced in those long, torturous moments.
Now what to do?
Dammit! I had been expecting the call all day, but now, there was my $167 cell phone ringing in a pile of what had to have been at least three day's worth of excrement, who-knows what else (as if the excrement weren't bad enough) and way the hell too much toilet paper. Didnt they have janitors or something at gas stations? have they never heard of a plunger? I just couldnt figure out how they could just let it pile up like this and do nothing about it. Though I can most certainly understand their reluctance. The smell was so putrific it bordered on excruciating. In fact, it was so bad, I dont think they've invented an adjective powerful enough to begin to describe it. I nearly vomited but fought to control it as I didnt want to just vomit on the floor, but I wasnt' going to vomit on my phone either. I could see the number on the display. It was the call I'd been praying for for months! Thinking quickly, I recalled the bare shrub just outside the restroom door. I ran out and snapped a long stick from it, ran back in and used it to open the phone.
ReplyDelete'Hello?' I exerted great effort in sounding calm and not as though I were about to projectile vomit everything I'd ever eaten, as I held my face horrifyingly close to the mountain of loathsome, repugnant and putrific filth. Unless you've ever lived at the bottom of an outhouse, you just can't imagine the superlative revulsion I experienced in those long, torturous moments.