The rain fell to the earth in teardrop form drenching everything in sight. They formed puddles beneath the rubber of my yellow boots, as if waiting for me to jump and splash the people near me. I looked up at my parents. My father had his umbrella open, as he glared at the dreary day taunting him. But my mother was the exact opposite, looking as happy as the day that we...
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Rain, Rain, Stay Today
The rain fell to the earth in teardrop form drenching everything in sight. They formed puddles beneath the rubber of my yellow boots, as if waiting for me to jump and splash the people near me. I looked up at my parents. My father had his umbrella open, as he glared at the dreary day taunting him. But my mother was the exact opposite, looking as happy as the day that we...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
canoed down our street forty years ago. I was five then, but I can still remember how angry and embarrassed my dad was. There was only a couple of inches on the road, I was wearing my yellow rain suit and hat, mom was in her bath robe and curlers and the neighbors were giving us strange looks when he pulled up in his Ford Fairlane. Today, as I sat in the puddle, my dad knew mom and I were planning something.
ReplyDelete"Gonzo, you're forty-five years old! Get out of that puddle. I would understand if you were mentally handicapped or something..." he groaned.
Just then, mom piped in, "Lighten up Sheeshmel, he's just having a little fun."
"Gertrude, it's bad enough that we have to put up with him at home, but in public?"
Gonzo, whose real name was Sheeshmel, Jr., would not relent nor would Gertrude. Both were ecstatic, giggling, both of them frolicking gaily... at least Gonzo frolicked as much as a 45 year-old grown man sitting in a puddle could frolick, that is, he did kind of a butt-dance and waved his arms wildly.
ReplyDeleteSheeshmel was getting angrier by the second; it had been years since his ultra violent outbursts had occurred, but the vein on his forehead seemed to indicate one might be imminent.
Gonzo, seeing Sheeshmel's rage welling up, looked at him sheepishly, flaring his nostrils, eyes wide, head cocked back making a double chin, his left eye (as it often did, being lazy) wandered off to one side and then Sheeshmel saw a hint of something that made him want to almost cry. A tiny smile, perhaps? That same smile Gonzo got, when he sat by himself perhaps imagining what it would be like to get a single date? Slowly. Ever so slowly, a tiny smile began to become apparent, the sides of his mouth creeping like snails outward into a slight grin.
ReplyDeleteSheeshmel was disgusted, while even Gertrude seemed perplexed.
Something from the corner of my eye caught my attention; a small green frog sprang from the grass plunging into the ankle deep puddle.
ReplyDeleteGonzo hesitated for a moment, then pounced on the frog. Before Sheeshmel or Gertrude could stop him, in a frenzy he had bitten the pathetic creature in half and was sprinting away with a frightened look on his face. This scenario had recurred countless times in his life. He had learned what he had to do to protect his treasure. Sheeshmel flared his nostrils angrily, grimacing with all of his might and sweating profusely as he violently charged the heir of his highly mutated genes.
ReplyDelete"Father! I love you! You're tearing me apart inside!" Gonzo said in a shaky, almost vibrato-like high-pitched voice, while running for his life.
ReplyDeleteGertrude clapped her hands tensely at Gonzo's hopeful emotional outcry, hoping beyond hope that for once, Sheeshmel would not try to beat Gonzo senseless. In all likelihood, the only reason Gonzo was still alive was because he was always faster than Sheesmel and ironically, more cunning.
"Dad, eating a frog is not so bad!" he said, frog blood dripping down his shirt. "Remember how they taught us to love one another at church the other day?," he sounding even more womanly and shaky.
"REEETARD!!!" Sheeshmel roared, flaring his nostrils wildly. Then he brought his massive fist down on Gonzo's head with crushing force.
ReplyDeleteGonzo grew suddenly quiet, eyes glazed over, and then he fell, face first in a large puddle, ripples flowing outward and sloshing on the pavement.
"Gonzo!!" Gertrude cried shrilly, running to the side of her precious son who lay prone in the murky water, the raindrops pummeling his robust buttocks and tiny red head. She tried in vain to roll his considerable mass on its side so he wouldn't drown; but after numerous desperate attempts, she realized that it was too late. In her despair, she turned on her husband, and in a violent fit of rage, she tore a beam from a nearby park bench and whapped Sheeshmel across the left temple, sending him flying a good nine-and-a-half feet into the gravel, where he lay still, his body twisted, tongue hanging limply, and his eyes bulging lifelessly from his enormous, gravel-imbedded head.
Gertrude sat sobbing by the body of her son, her tears lost in the rain...when suddenly she was startled by a strange noise. Blinded by her tears, she glanced around, straining to see what was making the strange, yet familiar gurgling sound. After wiping the tears from her bloodshot eyes, she beheld bubbles billowing up around her son's ruddy and minuscule head, nearly concealing it. It was from within the froth that the strange gurgling noise came. Gonzo was alive! That was the noise he always made when he blew bubbles in his milk! How he would beam with glee as the bubbles billowed over the edge of his cup! Suddenly, Gonzo popped up out of the puddle, a broad grin spread across his little apple-face.
"I made bubbles!" he cried happily.
"Gonzo!" Gertrude cried joyously, throwing her arms around him. Over her shoulder he saw his father lying motionless in the gravel.
ReplyDelete"Why is dad laying in the mud?" He asked. "Is he dead?"
"I think so" she replied.
Gonzo's eyes grew wide. "Can I make more bubbles? Dad won't know!" Sheeshmel had always hated when Gonzo blew bubbles in his milk. Puddles were even better. Before Gertrude could answer, Gonzo was once again, face down in the puddle, making gurgling noises as he blew bubbles in the murky puddle.
"Gonzo!" Gertrude whispered urgently. "We don't have time to blow bubbles. We have to bury daddy before anyone finds out"
"Ohhhblblblblbl" Gonzo sighed disappointedly into the rising water, making one last mound of brownish-grey bubbles.
He followed his mother to the trunk of the car, where there just happened to be a couple of shovels. Gertrude glanced anxiously around to make sure there were no witnesses. An orange Gremlin was coming down the street. Thinking fast, Gertrude pulled Gonzo beside her and the two of them partially concealed Sheeshmels contorted body. The driver didnt seem to notice, but a bespectacled boy in the back seat swiveled his head around so hard that the green baseball cap flew from the top of his enormous, orange fro. He spun around in his seat, pointing at them and yelling inaudably. Gertrude's heart pounded. She was certain they'd been caught; but the car didnt stop or turn or even slow down. As soon as the Gremlin was gone, Gertrude pushed Sheeshmel's body over the side of the road and it rolled clumsily into the shallow ditch below. She quickly began shoveling mud and gravel down on top of the body. "Quick! help me bury him!" she urged Gonzo. He obediently dug his shovel into the gravely mud and with much effort, managed to lift a small shovelful as Gertrude tossed a seventh one onto her husband's body. Just as Gonzo was about to throw his small contribution down into the ditch, the body began to move! Its bulging eyes began to blink!
“Zombieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Gonzo shrieked. He quickly tossed his shovelful of mud down onto the ghoul as it began to climb up toward him, surely intent on eating his brain!
The gravely mud hit Sheeshmel in the forehead. “I’m not a zombie you idiot!” he roared.
But Gonzo was screaming so loudly, he didn’t hear.
“Run Gonzo!” Gertrude cried.
In a panic, Gonzo threw his shovel down at the ‘zombie’ and he and his mother made a break for their car.
"REEETARDS!!!" Sheeshmel roared once again as he clenched his robust buttocks and grimaced harder than he had previously thought humanly possible. Before he knew it, he was sprinting and sweating profusely. He crushed after them super hard, but then slowed as a tear formed in his eye.
ReplyDeleteThe tears created multiple meandering streaks down his wretched face through the blood and dirt, making him look all the more monstrous, even while his reddening, still fierce eyes continued to secrete sad, raw emotion. Sheeshmel's mouth contorted and twisted, pitifully emoting the hideously superfluous levels of shame and unadulterated rage.
ReplyDelete"Dad's crying!" Gonzo said, looking back as he continued to sprint, laughing super hard. "Now who's the retard?"
Suddenly, Sheeshmel plubumped on the side of the road.
ReplyDelete